No, it is absolutely true. If you have ever wondered why all of your past relationships were less than pleasant or "perfect," it does start with you. There are reasons why you are attracting the wrong people, and you may not even be aware of it. If you want the very best long-term intimate relationship, it starts by going to individual therapy. Here is what you will learn in individual therapy sessions.
Needy or Attract Needy People
If you are needy, or have been told that you are clingy or needy, there is something amiss in your personality. It is not a bad thing; it just means that a parent did not give you what you needed most as a child, and hence, you look for it in a partner to fill that void. You can train yourself out of neediness, so that you can attract better partners who will not mistreat you.
If you attract needy people, it is usually because you are kind to a fault. That is a good thing, but you have to recognize this and accept that not everyone who is attracted to you is an emotionally independent person. Some people are looking for you to "take care of them, " and because they see that you are such a kind person, they assume you will take care of them. You will, but only until you begin to resent the other person and want out of the relationship.
Co-Dependency
Co-dependency is a bad word. It means that both of you provide the other with something you desperately want or perceive you must have. Once you are in therapy, you will discover what your co-dependency issues are, and how to recognize that you are dating yet another co-dependent type. Learning to recognize these patterns sooner rather than later helps you avoid a string of dysfunctional relationships.
Follower vs. Leader
A healthy relationship relies on two individuals being leaders and working together. When one of you is a follower, and the other is a leader, it does not always work out. This is especially true if the other person is a leader and is constantly leading you into bad situations. You may choose to follow because you love that person, or you may choose to follow because you are just a follower. Followers may also find themselves in relationships with bullies, tyrants, and people with mental health disorders or people who abuse drugs. If any of that sounds familiar, your therapist can help you fix those issues to become your own confident leader.
Contact a service, like The Center for Family Counseling, Inc., for more help.
Share9 December 2018
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